Why “Just Being Yourself” Isn’t the Best Dating Advice

“Going out on a date? Don’t worry. Just be yourself!”
Many of us have heard and may have even gave this piece of advice a billion times. Truth be told, nobody would honestly want to fake themselves around their partner. Everybody desires to be accepted for exactly who they are and that’s what makes this an appealing advice.

A Closer Look
But what does “being yourself” actually mean? In most cases, it appears to be a passive suggestion taken literally. It simply means do nothing new, just show off the same, current you. Unfortunately, this is where the tricky part lies in, and the most comforting advice you have been getting all these years may not be enough and best tip in the dating world.
To just be yourself can be interpreted as continuing your habits, ways of thinking and specifically, your approach to dating irrespective of how unhealthy they may be. If you are still out in the market and what you have been doing has not made you earn the good catch then it’s best to dig deeper into its context. While you may have taken into account the great qualities you possess which make you worth dating for, you also cannot discount the ones that give you poor dating results. Common problems are lack of confidence, emotional expression or playfulness.
Change Isn’t Easy
When people are advised to do something new, such as “Express your thoughts/emotions often,” they become reluctant and say, “That is not me.” But these are just simply habits they have been unconsciously accustomed to and now attached to their identity. Being shy doesn’t mean you are unable to express what you feel and think—there are hundreds of ways to show it. Rather than spending your time seeking a relationship that permits you to be entirely you, find one that helps you be the best/ideal version of yourself. Fortunately, science backs this up.
A psychological study published in Sage Journals, tackled “Relational Authenticity” which is about the feelings of genuineness in a particular relationship. Participants were tasked to respond to various surveys as to where relational authenticity is rooted from. The activity tested whether its basis comes from one’s “true self’, ‘ideal self’ or both.

Being a Better You
Results show that those who acted in their ‘ideal selves’ experienced more authenticity in their relationships than those who were urged to be their ‘true selves.” In a nutshell, the study revealed a great point: the findings urge us to create more progress towards the fulfillment of our ideal selves (i.e. to be more expressive and confident) especially when our partner has the same trait or when we want to meet one. And that creates better feelings of authenticity in the relationship.
Being yourself is an improving process where you don’t keep doing what seems to come off natural. It doesn’t mean you change your contents but it is bringing out the inner and most attractive parts of you by changing how it’s presented.

Celebrate who you are and what inspires you to be better. Even students in Anchor Green Primary School celebrate “Be Yourself Day”, “Aspire, Grow, and Serve.” In the same way, you can translate that one piece of advice into bringing out the best version of you for the world to see.

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